7 Characteristics Of Assertive People

Assertive people aren’t just born , they’re made too. Of course there are conditions in which the development of certain virtues or abilities is more facilitated, but finally we all have to work to evolve towards ways of being and acting that are more successful and constructive.

Assertiveness could be defined as the ability to relate to others in a sincere and uplifting way, thus constituting a bridge for interpersonal trust. It could also be said that it is an attitude towards oneself and others that leads to maintaining a balance between rights and duties, while at the same time taking care of mutual respect.

It is much easier to theorize than to put it into practice. Assertive people are the fruit of different processes and efforts  that come together to achieve this attitude. Finally, all this is part of that long path that leads us to learn to live. It is worth examining what are those characteristics that make us assertive. Here are 7 of them.

1. Assertive people know what respect is

The word respect is defined as that ability  to value and treat someone or something with consideration. Assertive people develop that ability. They apply it to themselves and especially to things external to them, be they people, ideas, works or even animals.

Respect manifests itself in the first instance as a renunciation of violence. Abuse  is not an option under any circumstance. If there is contradiction or conflict, assertive people process it from self-respect and respect for others. This often translates into an effort to preserve both one’s own dignity and that of others.

This attitude of respect is also manifested in the world of concepts, ideas and ideologies. The field of beliefs and convictions is not demerited, even if it is not shared. Someone assertive understands that in all human beings and in their works there is a value  that cannot be overlooked.

2. They sincerely relate to others

Assertive people attach importance to good relationships with others. They understand that these cannot be built on falsehood or hypocrisy. That is why they show themselves as they are, because they want others to know what they can do with them.

They try not to place themselves in uncomfortable long-term positions, such as condescension. If they disagree with something they say so directly. They do not sacrifice their identity to avoid contradictions. For the same reason, they choose their friends carefully. If it is not from your heart to give your friendship to someone, they will not do it. They do not move by convenience, but by convictions.

3. They know themselves, accept and appreciate themselves

Assertive people have self-confidence, but it is not born out of a feeling of sufficiency or a perception of superiority. If they trust who they are, it is because they know each other; And if they are known, it is because they are observed, evaluated and learned to have a constructive internal dialogue. This means that they are assumed as people with successes and errors.

Self-knowledge leads to understanding. This in turn leads to acceptance and self-love. Assertiveness is precisely in having enough humility to know that you are human and, therefore, imperfect. A “feeling of imperfection” from which emanates the will and motivation to grow, to improve and to achieve it in many areas.

4. They have self-control and emotional stability.

Assertive people manage to build mechanisms to regulate their emotions. That is why the attitude that predominates in them is that of serenity. They understand that we all feel and that emotions need to be processed. It is not that they do not feel anger, or anguish or pain. They have simply learned that disregarding the helm of their lives from all control leads to the wrong expression of these high-energy emotions.

They also apply this principle to others. This means that they know how to understand the feelings of others and they also want them to be in a state of tranquility. Those who are assertive do not add fuel to the fire or seek to manipulate the other looking for their “faults” or weaknesses. They help others to regain their center so that no situation is completely out of their control.

5. They cultivate their communication skills

Many of the problems stem from poor communication. Likewise, many difficulties are resolved in the field of communication and dialogue. What makes the exchange of views so complex is that many times the tools to do so are not used properly. Lack of sincerity, the true intention to reach an understanding or there is simply no clarity about what is meant or there are doubts about the best way to express it.

Self-knowledge and reflection allow communication skills to develop as well. This supposes the capacity to express, clearly, simply and sincerely what is inside. But it also implies being able to actively listen to what the other has to say. The truth is that assertive people know the value of communication and are willing to invest resources to improve the way they communicate.

6. They know how to set limits

You can’t always have great relationships with others. Reality puts us in front of people who tend to abuse or who harbor within them the desire to do harm, in a kind of resentment with life. This creates tensions against which assertive people know how to say “enough”. They understand that everything has a limit and that there are situations that require a clear demarcation.

Similarly, the expectations or wishes of others cannot always be satisfied. This, eventually, gives rise to guilt that sometimes invites us to step over ourselves. When developing assertiveness this does not happen: you can say “no” without the refusal generating internal discomfort.

7. They are emotionally independent

Those who are assertive also become capable of tolerating and assimilating the rejection or indifference of others. They do not act based on the approval of others, but to be consistent with their beliefs, convictions and needs. Like everyone else, assertive people prefer to be recognized by others. However, if this does not happen, they will not be tempted to act against their own conscience.

All of these features are unstable and unfinished; that is, if we do, we will not see the aspiration of finding people who are assertive in all their actions and words fulfilled. Nothing in the human is complete, in every dimension we have a margin of growth and to take advantage of it it is enough to try, more and more, better and better.