Overcome Shyness Step By Step

Overcoming shyness is a challenge for many people. It is not a disease or a disorder as such, but an emotional condition in which shame prevails on an emotional level and dissimulation on a behavioral level.

The shy person does not reject others or avoid contact in a strict sense. Many times he even deeply enjoys the company of others. Nor is he afraid of the others in global terms. What he is afraid of is being exposed in front of others, of being the object of attention of others.

To overcome shyness it is important that we are clear about what it is and what it is not. Especially not to be confused with introversion. The introvert may or may not be shy, since one and the other characteristic do not always coincide. Let’s look at all of this in more detail.

What is shyness?

There are basically three approaches to understanding shyness. The first is the organicist. According to him, this trait probably has a genetic origin. It has to do with certain abnormalities in the secretion glands. Particularly in the pituitary and adrenal glands.

The behaviorist approach, for its part, points out that shyness is a learned behavior. It generally has its origin in childhood ; sometimes by parental models, sometimes because the child is not sufficiently recognized and valued by the adults around him. Also when he is the victim of some form of abuse.

Psychoanalysis, for its part, points out that shyness is a manifestation of an individual’s conflict with himself  or with a part of himself. This is associated with the unconscious repression of one or more instincts.

The shy person, when exposed, feels that he has committed an incorrect or unseemly action. That he has been exposed and cannot effectively defend himself against this. You may also feel that you have been marked by the disapproving judgment of others.

Overcoming shyness: the first steps

At least 50% of people define themselves as shy in one or more aspects. So it is a common problem. Overcoming shyness only becomes an important goal if you feel that it limits you significantly. Especially if you feel like this is causing you suffering.

In those cases, it is worthwhile for you to put yourself in the task of overcoming shyness. It is not so difficult. The first steps to take are the following :

• Identify your type of shyness. Basically, there is a global and a situational shyness. The first is constantly present. The second appears only before certain people or circumstances. So the first thing is to identify which type you correspond to.
• Identify triggers. Try to remember the moments when you have felt the most embarrassed. What do these situations have in common? What are the factors that most influenced you to feel so embarrassed? What presences had a special effect on you?

A practical step by step

If you feel that the limitations that shyness generates are important, a psychotherapy can help you. The knowledge and the means now exist to overcome these limitations.

On the contrary, if shyness does not condition you so much, you can always try to move forward using one of the strategies that we present. Follow these steps :

• Accept that you are shy. You are not committing a crime, you simply have a personality trait that many even find attractive. Well yes, I’m shy and that’s it.
• Define 10 “risk” situations. Make a list of the ten most feared social situations. It doesn’t matter how unlikely or absurd they may seem. Try to be very specific and specific. For example: “Pretend to be funny and don’t laugh.”
• Organize the data. Sort your list from the simplest to the most complex situation. By simple we understand the one that does not cause you so much fear. By complex, the one that bothers you the most, paralyzes or incapacitates you.
• Master the inventory. Once you have defined those stressful situations, start working on them one by one. Try to expose yourself to circumstances that lead you to face each fear.

• Activate your detector. When you start to feel embarrassed, stop for a minute. Take note of your thoughts and emotions. Do not do anything before you understand what is happening to you.
• Cheer up. Maintain a body posture that encourages you to follow through and values ​​every advance you make. Avoid comparisons and highlight those traits that best define you positively. Think of everything you contribute to others.

Shyness itself is not a problem. The problem arises when it produces unpleasant emotions or takes us away from goals we want.