I Feel Undervalued By Others, What Can I Do?

“I feel undervalued by others, both at work and at home.” Many people experience this feeling at some point in their life and, let’s face it, few things are as painful as feeling devalued.

Is this perhaps an obvious sign of lack of self-esteem? Maybe. However, there is an undoubted aspect in relation to this issue. The human being needs to feel part of something or someone. As the social (and emotional) creatures that we are , validation and recognition by those we hold dear is an essential nutrient.

We expect it from our partners. Giving and receiving affection, admiring and being admired by the person we love and feeling supported is an indisputable pillar. Thus, this psychological fabric is also basic in every family unit. As it is also on a professional level. Knowing that what we do is appreciated reinforces the image we have of ourselves.

What happens then if all this is missing? We analyze it.

I feel undervalued by others and I don’t know what to do

The reason why we tend to feel undervalued by others is almost always part of the brain. We are “programmed”, so to speak, to compare ourselves socially with those around us almost every moment.

When we perceive ourselves at a disadvantage, an alarm system is activated warning us that something bad is happening. Cortisol is released into the blood and we become alert when we notice, for example, that our parents pay more attention to our older brother. Also when our partner does not value that detail that we have had.

The brain needs external reinforcement to feel a certain balance and thus perceive itself as part of its social group. In this way, gestures such as kindness, a word of recognition or daily acts of affection are injections of dopamine capable of reinforcing us and making us see that everything is going well. If this is continuously lacking, fear and even suffering arises.

Undervaluation in the couple relationship

Feeling undervalued in a relationship is often the cause of problems and even breakups. Now, on occasions, this situation can be the origin of a real devaluation by one member towards the other or from other realities that must be addressed.

What should I do?

First, become aware of whether your need for reinforcement and recognition is excessive. Sometimes factors such as insecurity or low self-esteem can make us expect too much of the other person. Likewise, the constant search for external approval only reveals internal shortcomings. Let’s reflect on it.

On the other hand, it may also be the fact that this undervaluation is real. In that case, it is necessary to discuss it with our partner, clarifying in a concrete way and with examples what is happening. It is also advisable to specify what we expect from the other person: appreciation, respect, complicity, support… If this does not happen, we will make a decision.

Feeling undervalued in love is a slow emotional death that we shouldn’t go through.

I feel undervalued by others, but especially in my family

Contempt at the family level is harmful at all levels. If we have lived it since childhood as a result of parents who underestimated us in almost every aspect, the impact of this fact can last for decades. And the main consequence is to end up developing low self-esteem.

What should I do?

What to do when I feel undervalued by others, but especially by my family? The first step is to stop focusing your gaze on them to put it in that long neglected area: ourselves.

Decades of undervaluation must be healed with the threads of self-love. For this we must reinforce our self-esteem, identity, personal security and self-efficacy. It is time to feel good about how we are, about the plans we have in mind … The family that despises and despises should be in the background and place a healthy distance with it.

Whoever persistently underestimates another is exercising a form of abuse.

Undervaluation at work

We spend almost a third of our lives at work. Being immersed in a context where perceiving ourselves maligned and despised takes its toll psychologically. Likewise, there are those who point out that the devaluation of human work is a sign of our time.

Aspects such as the salary gap between men and women, the little appreciation of the potential of each person, low wages or poor working conditions in general, is undoubtedly something quite common.

What should I do?

Undervaluation at work leads to low motivation, stressful situations and general malaise. It is necessary not to reach extreme situations that put our health at risk. Therefore, keep the following in mind.

• Talk to your bosses, human resources or management. Explain what the problem is and where you feel undervalued (salary aspect, objectives achieved and few opportunities for promotion or job improvement …).

• As long as you continue in that job position, do not lower your performance. Do your homework as best you can, that way your self-efficacy will continue to be strengthened and the image you have of yourself will continue to be appropriate.

• Even if you do not receive reinforcement or motivation in your work, seek to promote your self-esteem with your own goals that you set for yourself. Regardless of the context that surrounds you, do not stop valuing yourself and your skills. If they don’t appreciate your potential in that work setting, they can do it elsewhere if you decide to leave that position.

To conclude, all of us can sometimes think of “I feel undervalued by others .” When this happens, it is necessary to explore ourselves first. Sometimes we expect others to offer us what we do not give ourselves.

Thus, and in case our level of self-esteem and personal appreciation is covered and there really is a problem of contempt, we must solve it. It is not advisable to live for a long time with that feeling attached to our interior because it wears, hurts, oxidizes and damages us.

Let us resolve these situations with assertiveness and claim what every being deserves and needs: respect and appreciation.