And After The Break What?

What about after the breakup? A few decades ago, even a few years ago, almost all couples were together for life, despite the disagreements that might exist. Nowadays things have changed a lot, and it could even be said that we have positioned ourselves at the other extreme.

Unconditionally accepting the other person, with their defects and virtues and being aware that the perfect human being does not exist and will not exist, is the gateway to a satisfactory relationship. Obviously, there are always limits that we must be clear about and that we must not let pass, such as abuse, annulment, lack of respect or the amputation of part or all of our individual freedom.

When a relationship ends, the feeling of desolation, emptiness and loneliness is present for a long period of time. We went through the famous duel, which must hurt because that pain is what is finally going to rebuild us again. Grief has several stages, already well known to all: denial, anger, depression, acceptance … and we can go through all of them or just some.

There are people who do not adequately elaborate their grief after the breakup , which causes the pain to become entrenched for too long, generating an emotional blockage.

What am I going to feel after the breakup?

Leaving a relationship is a process that can be extremely painful. You have been with that person for days, months or years, you have shared your whole life with him or her. You know each other almost perfectly. You share friendships, you have affection for his family and all of a sudden all that disappears, almost overnight. How can I not feel pain after the breakup?

That person, who was so present in your life, who was the most important thing for you, suddenly is gone and you may never see them again. Of course it is hard and a lot. Your soul breaks into pieces, you feel very lost, you see no way out and the feeling of emptiness takes over you.

The first thing you have to know and accept is that you are going to feel bad, very bad. The breakup, as we have said, hurts. But you also have to understand that it is the normal and advisable process. You have to mourn that loss, be angry with the world, scream if you feel like it … as long as these behaviors do not last too long.

You may feel incomplete, that half of your life is gone never to return, that you will never find someone like that person, that you are a failure, etc. You have to realize that all this is nothing more than ideas, thoughts that come out of your head and that are the real responsible for your suffering. The more you delve into them, the more they will grow and the more pain they will cause you. Don’t feed them.

How to go back to being me after the breakup?

After passing the period of mourning that we have discussed, you will begin to see things differently. Time is our great ally, but so is our mind, when it is able to think realistically. It is useless if time passes and we continue to feel incomplete, empty, thinking that he was the love of our life, etc.

One must begin to stand up and stop thinking in an extreme and rigid way. The love of your life does not exist. A being has not been born that is your soul mate, or your better half, or anything like that. What really matters is to be comfortable with the person you are in a relationship with in the present.

Look for company

You are not alone, nor empty, around you there are thousands of people willing to meet you in addition to those you already know. Of course, they can do it if you don’t close yourself to them. 

Little by little, as you do it, you will feel more comforted. Also, thanks to going out and meeting other people, you can meet someone interesting, or you can get job opportunities, travel, leisure … you never know.

Recover yourself. It is possible that as a couple you have stopped doing things that previously made you vibrate. It is time to return to them and begin to gain satisfaction with those activities. Many times as a couple we abandon ourselves and after the breakup, it is advisable to meet again. Our self-esteem will thank us.

The attitude of not stopping, but of moving forward, of not locking ourselves up in our misfortune or brooding negative thoughts, will make us win the battle against that deep pain and emerge stronger. After all, the other person will become a memory, which may be more or less pleasant, but ultimately a memory.