Even If You Forget Me, I Will Always Keep You In My Heart
I would like to tell you everything that I never told you because I assumed that there would always be time to tell you how proud I am of you. I thought that saying too many times how important you have been to me would make words lose their value, but now I can only think that, even if you forget everything, even your name, I will never forget what you have done for me, mom .
I keep thinking about how we waste words and moments because we don’t take the time to say what we feel when we can. Time is fickle, and now that Alzheimer’s dementia is taking away your memories making you forget who you are, I realize the value we place on what we lose but don’t enjoy when we have it.
And although I have to confess that taking care of you has been much harder than I thought, I do not regret every second that I have dedicated to you, just as you dedicated it to me when you raised me. I am who I am thanks to you, your efforts and, therefore, I promised to take care of you until your last breath.
A little burst of light in the dark
At first, the way you were changing was hard to believe. I saw you wither with your head in knots, with your memories increasingly blurred and with an even more painful future to come. Alzheimer’s disease is much bigger than you and we have to get used to living in its shadow.
It is often said that it is the patient who does not recognize the family members, but, in this case, it was difficult for me to recognize you. With each passing day your gaze was more absent, as if it reflected the emptiness that was making its way into your head, filling everything with oblivion.
It is very hard to see how step by step you wither, how you stop talking to me, advising me, and even scolding me. I would give anything for one more discussion, one more hug, one more look, for a little piece of that small universe that we shared and to which we will never return.
I remember how you made me strong to overcome difficulties, but without stepping on anyone on the way, how you fought against all odds to get ahead without missing anything even though we did not swim in abundance and how you taught me to value that Family is always the most important thing in life because, whatever happens, it would always be you and me.
That’s how you were, you were strong, brave, fighter and brilliant. You were love and life. And now you are forgetfulness, weakness and emptiness. But you are your mom, you are and at the same time nothingness. Even if whatever happens, for me it will always be you and each burst of light that takes you out of that darkness in which Alzheimer’s has plunged you, reminds me that whatever happens is worth every second by your side.
Even if you forget me I will always keep you in my heart
I’m not ready for your light to stop shining and say goodbye forever. I am not prepared for you to forget who we are, who we have been or the future plans that we will never make. I am not ready to let go of your hand on the path of life because I will no longer have someone to help me get up if I fall again.
They say goodbyes are hard, but nobody talks to you about how difficult it is to say goodbye to the person you love the most in life because they are ceasing to be themselves, because oblivion has occupied their being, their essence, although their presence continues, but it’s not her.
But there is something I can do for you, even if you are no longer there, is to hold your hand tightly so that you do not feel alone, to accompany you in your last days and that you feel the love you deserve, because, even if you forget me , I will always keep you in my heart.
