How To Earn The Trust Of Our Children

Much of the influence we can have on our children will depend on the trust they have with us. Thus, gaining the trust of our children or regaining it when we have lost it is a prior and essential step on many occasions to be able to help them.

The first difficulty in gaining the trust of our children has a lot to do with the very definition of trust that we can handle. Trust is not that they tell us absolutely everything or that they see us as exactly a friend, rather it is that they perceive us as someone they can count on and share what they need at the moment they need it.

Trusting is reaching agreements with the other and trusting that he will fulfill his part, is to reveal information that we do not want to exceed the boundaries of the relationship and stay there.

Thus, when we talk about gaining the trust of our children we have to start by talking about respect, of considering them as people who can have their own thought, at the same time that we admit that they may feel vulnerable or have problems managing uncertainty.

Respect, a way to earn the trust of our children

Parents and children maintain asymmetrical relationships. The former give orders, guide and make the final decisions. The latter can and must express themselves, they have the right to express their objections and raise different points of view, but in the end they must obey.

Having a  consistent authority figure is very important for children. They do not want a friend who is on their level, but someone who serves as a reference, model or guide. That is why it is not good to have an equal treatment. It is very important to instill this from a young age, since later it will be very difficult to achieve it.

Why is this a way to gain your child’s trust? What a child expects from their parents is that they will be able to steer the ship and that, even if they make mistakes, they will trust themselves. This gives them the feeling of stepping on solid ground and creates the basis for them to trust themselves as well.

Time, attention and reinforcement

A parent is a guide, but should not behave like a judge. As a rule, a son values ​​that his father accepts him and recognizes his effort and abilities – in good measure, because one of his greatest motivations is usually to get this recognition. Also that he is able to correct it with love and with the healthy intention that it improves. Chances are, if you offer him that, he’ll respond in kind.

It is also important to dedicate quality time, sharing the activities with which you can learn, but also enjoy. In this timeshare, dialogue does not have to prevail: you can know your child by how he acts, by the decisions he makes and not only by his speech. We make this point because there are not a few parents who are tempted to make an interrogation of this time shared.

Respect their privacy

A good way to gain your child’s trust is by opening your feelings to him. Of course, you are not going to share your deepest intimacies with him, as you would with someone your age or your condition. However, you can show him what you feel, what you want, what you care about, etc.

It is very important to have an open line of communication with your child, and to do so while respecting their preferences in conversation. There are aspects that he will want to keep to himself and it is okay for him to do so. He just needs to know that you are willing to listen when he wants to talk, that he will be a priority when he needs you.

Manage difficult moments with intelligence

If we ask ourselves, how to earn the trust of our children, moments of crisis or difficulty are conducive to it. Returning to the initial idea, we trust someone when they fulfill their commitments, when they keep the intimacy that we share.

If the little ones feel that they can count on their parents in difficult times, it will be easier for them to trust them. They will look to you to find those answers that worry them so much. In addition, they will be a source of inspiration and a role model in many ways.

Furthermore, by tracing this path in childhood it is more unlikely that, in their search for autonomy, they will become so distant that we cannot help them. In this sense, the seat of a good adolescence, of a healthy relationship between parents and children, is established in childhood.