If You’re Wrong, Here I Am
If you are wrong, here I am totally interested: interested in you. I will not disappear when you no longer need me, I will not listen to you out of obligation nor will I extend my hand to you expecting to receive something similar in return. If you are wrong, I will not tell you what you want, but the truth.
We have all had that family member or friend who has needed a shoulder to cry on. It seems easy to do this, right? Even, many times we think that it is much easier to console than to be consoled. But, perhaps, we do not act in the right way even though we think we do. There are many mistakes that we are not fully aware of, not even when we begin to feel their consequences.
Listen only to what we want, offer half-hearted support, give advice that we do not carry out ourselves… Does it sound familiar? Yes, on more than one occasion we believe that we help, when in reality we are doing the opposite. It is time to open your eyes.
If you’re wrong I’ll listen to everything you have to say
Even if we want to help someone else out, we have problems ourselves. This causes that, sometimes, we do not really listen. Perhaps you think that many of the things he says are nonsense and, therefore, you are not realizing how he lives and feels what is happening to him. You have made a mistake. By doing this, you will not be able to support it.
For such a situation, it is recommended that you use all your empathy. Put yourself in the place of the other. Would you like them to really listen to you? What would you like them to tell you in their circumstances from their circumstances? What could help you in your circumstances from your circumstances? The answer to these questions will provide you with the appropriate information on how to help in those moments.
When you listen, avoid responding with the words or phrases “wild card”: those that come out when we don’t know very well what to say and silence strangles us. “Don’t worry”, “all this will pass”, “you’ll be fine again.” They are formulas that are expressed when there is nothing better to say and you know what? If you don’t know what to say, nothing happens. You can just listen, you can ask.
Words of support are not always required. This manifests itself by being next to that person, not leaving them helpless, listening to them and making efforts to understand the problem, not to solve it.
On the other hand, sometimes doing nothing means doing a lot. A simple hug can be much more comforting than scripted words spoken nonsense. Actions and knowing how to listen are worth a thousand times more.
You may have been through something similar and pass on your experience. You will even provide healthy advice on the benefits of being alone, spending time without romantic relationships, going out more with friends to distract yourself and see that without a partner you can be happy … But, do you lead by example?
Many people give very good advice, indeed. However, afterwards, they themselves do the opposite or it is advice that has a cost that at that moment the person to whom they are addressed cannot assume. If you dare to make a suggestion, make sure that the person who receives it is not going to generate even more frustration.
Nor is it positive to tell the person in front of us what they want or need to hear. She’s having a hard time, but she won’t be much better off if you’re not being honest with her and telling her both the good and the bad things. Only then can you really help her. Sometimes constructive criticism is much more positive.
Encouraging another is not that simple, is it? It requires great commitment, significant attention from us, and long-term unconditional support in which lies have no place. All of this can ease the grief or shed a little light on the situation of that friend or relative who needs you now, more than ever.
