Mothers And Daughters: The Bond That Heals, The Bond That Hurts
Each daughter brings her mother with her. It is an eternal bond from which we can never separate. Because, if something should be clear to us, it is that we will always contain something of our mothers. To be healthy and happy, each of us has to know how our mother influenced our history and how she continues to do so.
She is the one who before birth offers us our first experience of affection and support. And it is through her that we understand what it is to be a woman and how we can take care of or neglect our body. The bond with mothers is something extremely special.
The legacy we inherit from our mothers
Any woman, whether or not she is a mother, carries with her the consequences of the relationship she has had with her mother. If it has transmitted positive messages about the female body and the way in which it must be worked and cared for, its teachings will always be part of a guide for your physical and emotional health.
However, the influence of mothers can also be problematic when their role is toxic due to a careless, jealous, blackmailing or controlling attitude.
When we manage to understand the effects that parenting has had on us, we begin to be willing to understand ourselves, to heal ourselves, to be able to assimilate what we believe about our body or to explore what we consider possible to achieve in life.
Maternal care, an essential nutrient for life
When a television camera focuses on someone in the audience at a sporting event or any other event… What do people generally shout? “Hi Mom!!”. Almost all of us have the need to be seen by our mothers, we seek their approval.
Originally, this dependence is due to biological issues, since we need them to survive for many years; However, the need for affection and approval is forged from minute one, from the moment we look at it to see if something we are doing well or if we are worthy of a caress.
As Northrup points out, the mother-daughter bond is strategically designed to be one of the most positive, supportive, and intimate relationships we will ever have. However, this is not always the case …
Over the years, this need for approval can become pathological, generating emotional obligations that will allow our mother to have the power of our well-being during all or almost all of our lives.
How to start growing as a woman and as a daughter?
The decision to grow involves cleaning the emotional wounds or any issues that have been left unfinished in the first half of our life. This transition is not an easy task, because first we have to detect which are the parts of the mother-child relationship that require resolution and healing.
Our present and future sense of worth depends on it. This happens because there is always a part of us that thinks that we must give ourselves excessively to our family or our partner to be worthy of love.
Motherhood and even female love remain cultural synonyms for sacrifice in the collective mind. This means that our needs are always relegated to the fulfillment or not of those of others. As a consequence, we are not dedicated to cultivating our female mind, but to shaping it to the taste of the society in which we live.
These are the reasons that make the break with the chain of pain and the integral healing of our bonds or the memories we have of them so necessary. We must realize that these have long since become spiritual.
Therefore, we have to make peace with the oddities with which we had to live. Whether or not they are so bad. We cannot escape from that bond, whether or not it is healthy, it will always manage our future as it wishes.
