Now I Just Want Peace Of Mind, What Is Behind This Feeling?

“Now I just want peace of mind.” Many, at some point in life, have said this to ourselves almost by way of exclamation, in the middle of a sigh and longing, indeed, for a bit of existential calm. Being calm is, after all, that aspiration needed when we have been dealing with stress, worries and times of chaos for a while.

Publilio Siro, a Latin writer from ancient Rome, used to say that when a sea is calm, everyone knows how to steer a ship. It is true, in those times when everything seems to happen in harmony, peace and calm, we have the feeling that everything is under our control and that makes us feel safe. With your feet on the ground and your mind balanced and fixed on the horizon.

However, on a daily basis there are many things that make us lose that stability and that peace. Sometimes relationships are excessively complicated. Other times, work brings with it an excess of worries, fears, and anxieties. Also the social context that surrounds us saturates us with an excess of noise and deep uncertainties.

All of us, at some point, have aspired to have peace of mind. However, that dimension is missing, it is something that is cultivated slowly and deliberately. We analyze it below.

Why do I just want peace of mind now?

Some of us work in search of a dimension dreamed of and longed for: happiness. This emotion is projected in a series of areas that, in our opinion, it is enough to make them ours to immediately experience that pleasant and effusive sensation. Love and passion, for example, are common horizons.

As are also owning certain material goods (houses, cars, mobile phones, etc.). Success, a good job and a good social network of friends and acquaintances should give us large doses of what we call happiness. However, in reality the pieces do not fit together so easily. In fact, in many moments,  more than longing for happiness what we want is to be calm.

But why? What happens so that, at a given moment, we tell a friend that “I just want peace of mind now”? In a good part of the cases what there is is disappointment. In the end, we discovered that that formula to be happy that they had sold us does not work and that perhaps, it is necessary to rethink other approaches.

The external instability that breaks my calm

The word “calm” comes from the Greek word kauma , which means heat. It refers to that mid-day sun with which nature relaxes and stays still because the temperature is higher. Somehow, the need to find internal balance in an adverse context, to put into practice a more adjusted behavior that allows us to protect ourselves from an external factor, is evident.

If we yearn for calm it is because we are or have been in a stressful circumstance. If we seek balance it is because we have lost stability as a result of a series of complicated experiences. In this way, if we aspire to that mental and emotional stability it is because we have discovered that perhaps happiness is internal harmony and not external conquest.

The Difficulty of Peace of Mind in a Disappointing World

Epictetus said in his Manual for life that people have a defect: we insist on wanting life to conform to our wishes. That mental focus is the seed of restlessness and also of unhappiness. Thus, throughout our existence we often come across pieces of a world that does not conform to our schemes, desires and expectations.

Thus, that certain people act against how we hope breaks our emotional tranquility. It also brings nervousness, disappointment and even indignation that our efforts are not rewarded, that this reality is in essence, too unfair at times, chaotic in certain times, and stressful in many moments.

In this way, when we say to ourselves that I just want peace of mind, it is almost like a lament of fatigue and indignation. However, as cognitive psychotherapist Aaron Beck pointed out to us, emotional balance comes at the moment when we are able to accept the setback . Assuming that life is sometimes meaningless and fallible is one way to find peace of mind. 

Now I just want peace of mind, how can I achieve it?

The National Taiwan University has a study worth considering. Eastern culture cultivates another perception of happiness very different from that of the Western world. For Asians, well-being is not about experiencing intense emotions. Factors such as passion, success or the accumulation of material goods are not an absolute promise with which to conquer happiness.

For them, happiness is knowing how to be calm, have balance and above all, peace of mind. It is in that internal harmony where the person realizes himself, there where things are seen more clearly. It is also that internal setting from which, everyday difficulties are better faced and the good things that life brings are appreciated. How then to reach that psychological state? These would be some simple keys:

• Prioritize. Clarify what is a priority in your life and what is secondary.
• Focus your mind on the here and now. Yesterday no longer exists, tomorrow has not yet happened.
• If something worries you, solve it. Worrying implies caring.
• Transform your negative thoughts into helpful thoughts. Discard what doesn’t make sense and replace it with more hopeful ideas.
• Surround yourself with people who give you calm, balance and positivity.
• Change what you don’t like and accept what you cannot change.

To conclude, in an increasingly complex world cultivating inner peace is a tool of power and transformation. Let’s put it into practice.