The Fear Of Being Single

Having a partner is essential and even necessary for many people. In fact, some of them, when they are single, are desperately looking for someone to date; And when they are in a relationship, they do what they can to keep it, even if it hurts them. It seems that today, the fear of being single dominates the lives of much of the population, leading them to act in very unhealthy ways.

Now, contrary to what it may seem,  the fact of not having a partner is not so serious, since it can be an opportunity to get to know each other better and a very rewarding stage or situation in life. However, why does this fear of being single appear? What is behind the discomfort experienced by not having a partner? Let’s go deeper.

Why does the fear of staying single arise?

In the society in which we live, romantic love has acquired an enormous importance. For many, it is about what gives life meaning. We see it in movies, songs and novels: if everything goes wrong, you just need a partner and all your problems will disappear.

This message, despite being wrong, can also be very persuasive. At the end of the day, it is much easier to find a partner than to get down to work to change what we do not like in our lives. But unfortunately, dating someone will only make us happier if we were already fine beforehand. That is to say, happiness does not come from the outside nor is it someone else who provides it to us, but it arises from our interior and from the relationship we have with ourselves.

Thus, people who get married while being bad about themselves usually end up in a relationship that does not satisfy them with different types of problems, such as in a toxic relationship. And precisely, one of the main problems of this type of interaction is the fear of being single. People with this fear  seek the meaning of life in love. Hence, they are unable to end a relationship with another person in which they feel deeply unhappy.

On the other hand, this desire to always be with a partner is reinforced on a social level. When we see a person over the age of 30 who is single (and sometimes even considerably younger), we look at them with suspicion. “It will have something bad,” we say to ourselves. And it is that  we do not conceive that someone can be happy alone. However, the latest studies on the subject show that to be well in a relationship, it is first necessary to be comfortable with ourselves.

Overcoming the fear of loneliness

One of the biggest paradoxes of our society is that  single people tend to be happier than those in a toxic relationship. Therefore, the goal should not be to seek to be with someone at all costs. It would be much more profitable to focus on building a good relationship or learning to be alone.

Either of these two action plans can help you manage your fear of being single. Furthermore, they  tend to be mutually reinforcing. In fact, one of the secrets of a good relationship is not needing our partner to be happy. This does not mean that we do not want to be with her, but that we are aware that we could survive without the other person.

Although this may seem counterintuitive,  maintaining some independence in a relationship will usually make it stronger. The moment we think that we need the other person to be well, we begin to carry out all kinds of behaviors that cloud love. In fact, emotional dependence is one of the states that generates the most obstacles in a relationship.

How can I learn to be okay alone?

Of course, saying that you have to learn to be independent is much easier than getting it. However, if you pay attention to the following keys to gradually internalize them, the fear of being single will begin to be part of your past. Prepared?

• Improve your self-esteem. Being really comfortable with ourselves helps us not to need other people to feel good. You are limited edition. Discover everything you have and above all, how you can continue to grow.
• Remember that  you have been single before. Was there a time when you were single and happy?

• Use negative visualization. What would be the worst that could happen? If the fear of breaking up with your partner is very great, imagine in great detail that it would happen. At first, this will make you feel awful; But if you persevere and think about how you would be after a few months, you will realize that not everything would be so terrible.
• Maintain some independence in your relationship. Doing things on your own even with a partner will help you feel more confident about your ability to be okay, even if you break up with your partner.

As you can see, the fear of being single is very common, but it can be overcome. Now that you have these tools,  get down to work;  In a short time, you will notice how your confidence in yourself and in your relationship has improved enormously.