The Flatterer’s Mind
Flattery is defined as excessive and recurring praise for the qualities of another. The flatterer sometimes shows boundless admiration, uncritical and more or less pathological. At other times, it is simply a weapon that someone uses to manipulate another.
For many, sycophants are a real drag. Others view them with sympathy and even need them. Because this is how flattery is: it cannot exist if there is no other who demands it. It flourishes where there is a suitable ground for it. But unlike genuine recognition of the virtues of others, flattery always has a “secret agenda.”
Flattery and narcissism
The flatterer and the narcissist are the face and the seal of the same coin. A positive and negative version of the same reality. The flatterer projects onto another what he himself desires for himself. And his object of admiration is always an egomaniac.
The egomaniac is an individual with an inordinate appreciation for himself. It is a childish fixation that carries into adult life what is experienced in the first years of life: the need to be the center of the world, ignorance and disinterest in the needs of others.
Exactly the same thing happens to the flatterer, but in his history there are also episodes that have made him doubt his own worth. In the case of flatterers, they are often a person in whose upbringing “adoration” was mixed with abuse.
Flattering is a way of putting yourself down. But contrary to what might be accepted at first glance, what the flatterer seeks is not to humiliate himself, but to be part of that “greatness” that he perceives in another. Seek their acceptance, their recognition. He wants to be like that egomaniac he flatters. He exercises his narcissism in the negative.
The sycophantic who manipulate others
In other cases, flattery does not operate within the logic of identification with another, but it does maintain narcissism as a basis. This is the case of flatterers who flatter to bend the will of another and thus be able to manipulate him. In this situation, the phrases of exaltation and the gestures of submission are deliberately false. There is no admiration but even contempt for the other.
It is manipulated by flattering another when it wants to obtain a specific benefit. A favor, a pardon, an advantage. Telling the other how wonderful he is makes him vulnerable. It induces a relative hypnotic state in which one is comfortable with the way he is being excited, while the one who flatters calculates the next move to get what he wants.
This type of manipulation operates in love conquest, in business, in work life, etc. Compliment sets the stage for using you in some way. That is why you should be wary of free compliments.
In reality, these types of traps can only be discovered by those with mature and solid self-esteem. Those who know each other well enough to know when they are really being recognized for an attribute and when they are simply being ripped off.
