The Quiet And Obedient Child Is Not Always A Happy Child

The quiet child who looks at the world from a corner and obeys the first is not always a happy child, no matter how “comfortable” it is for the people around him. Often times when we feel fear, despair or shame we tend to hide in a hidden corner of ourselves. Therefore, the ideal is to teach respect, not to educate through blind obedience that starts from that same anguish that steals identities.

We are not wrong when we say that the subject of obedience is overrated, and even misunderstood, by many families. What’s more, in the mouths of many fathers and mothers the classic phrase that “the guarantee of happiness is in obedience” is heard too often . There is also the parent who is proud of himself when he sees how his children comply with the orders they receive the first time.

Blind obedience is not the same as intelligent obedience. No, especially if it is applied through fear. Not if the child is instilled early on with the idea that the most important thing is to please the other, leaving aside their own intrinsic needs, criteria and wills.

Sooner or later, the day will come when that little one no longer considers himself valuable. There will possibly come that moment when you also stop defending yourself to allow others to handle you as they please.

The quiet child and the effect of authoritarian education

There are Boy Scouts. Of those who touch everything, who look at everything and ask. Small colors that occupy spaces with an insatiable curiosity. They are happy little ones. On the other hand, there are also quiet children, somewhat more reserved, but who have no difficulty connecting. All you have to do is find a subject that interests you to see them shine and demonstrate that sensational richness that they keep inside. They are introverted and happy children.

Now, we can often also meet those little ones who shun the gaze. They seem to be looking for the tiniest corner inside to curl up, to pretend that they are not there. To feel safe from a world that they do not understand, but which they obey to the table. They are those children who do not protest anything, and in whose vocabulary there are no “why”, nor the questions they explore, nor the eyes that question …

It is clear that our children and students need limits and stable rules. However, the quiet child who always obeys without question is very often the product of an authoritarian upbringing. The one where the rules are imposed through threat and not through intelligence.

The intelligence of someone who does not use fear, but empathy. Who prefers to transmit to their children the sense of respect and the opportunity to understand why certain rules must be followed, certain norms.

In this same context, we cannot ignore an almost essential fact. Children must understand the foundation of everything that is asked of them. If we limit ourselves to imposing unquestionable obedience, we will raise immature people, profiles that will always need someone to tell them what to do and what not to do at all times.

Raise happy children, not children handcuffed by blind obedience

As parents or educators, there is something we all know. Raising your voice and telling a child that of “do this and do it now because I tell you” is a resource that saves us time. We do it from the urgency and it gives us good results, everything must be said.

However, what price do we pay with it? What are the consequences of applying immediate obedience that uses the shout? The effects are immense. We will shape a quiet child or with challenging behaviors. With this type of authoritarian dynamics, we lose the most essential thing that we can build with our little ones: trust.

Now, the next question would be but how do I get my son to obey me? It is clear that it is not easy, it is not when so far we have only achieved it through threats and punishment. However, sometimes the answer is much simpler than it sounds. If we want a child to trust us when we ask him to do or do something, let us also learn to trust him, let us learn to respect them.

Respect is shown by listening. Answering questions, reasoning with them, encouraging reciprocity. Respect is earned by taking into account your needs, your preferences, your curiosities. Therefore, it is necessary to give way to a type of intelligent obedience where the child understands the why of everything, where he internalizes the rules, first knowing their usefulness.

We want happy children, receptive to their environment, eager to learn. Not children silenced by the shadow of fear and authoritarianism.