Understanding Loneliness

Learning to live in solitude with oneself is a true art, since socially and culturally we have been educated to be accompanied. The ideal is to have many friends, be sociable, have strong connections with others and be part of our environment. This leads many of us to feel fear and anxiety when we feel like we don’t fit in.

When we are children we have no problem playing alone with our toys or sitting in the park. Eating our lunch alone in the kitchen was not the end of the world and no one felt weird about it. But growing up, we begin to skimp on the time we spend alone and in fact avoid it at all costs.

If you are lonely, you are alone

This is one of the oldest ideas to fight. We have learned that if we do not have too many friends or are not surrounded by people, we are alone and we will be unhappy. The fear of loneliness can lead us to seek company, even if they are people who really do not contribute anything to our lives and make us feel unhappy.

Has it ever happened to you that at some point you realize that your friends don’t really bring you anything positive? Have you ever felt compelled to go to a place and event where you feel uncomfortable just so you don’t feel left out? It is your duty to understand that not because you are lonely, you are alone.

Being in a place where you don’t want to be or having a partner who makes you feel equally lonely is not positive for you. It will only increase your discomfort and all the fruit of a wrong belief. Being lonely does not imply being alone. But it does indicate that you know how to enjoy the time you spend with yourself because you feel good and you want it that way.

You are not tied to anyone

It is true that biologically we go through stages in which our survival depends on others and that over time, we try to create new ties to protect ourselves in the future. In addition, today information circulates at great speed and we are more interconnected than ever.

All these elements can give us the feeling that we are tied to other people and that if we move away, we will lose an important part of our essence. This means that the fear of loneliness also stems from our own convenience and makes us stay with those we no longer want to be with because we do not know if in the future we will find someone who complements us in the same way.

For many, the fear of internal and external conflicts that can arise when trying to get away from family and closest friends is stronger. Being afraid of loneliness sometimes translates into a fear of connecting with the most intimate part of us, not only with our lights but also with our shadows.

The wealth of loneliness

Loneliness is not negative, as long as we do not take it to the extreme. On the contrary, having moments to be with ourselves from time to time is necessary. Thus, we can check ourselves and see how we are and feel, instead of passing by. If the fear of loneliness paralyzes you or prevents you from living happily, you can start with any of this exercise:

• Take a notebook, book or newspaper with you to a cafe and spend some time alone.
• Ignore your need to check your cell phone or any other device every minute.
• Focus on enjoying the moment and relaxing.
• When you get back from the cafe, take a walk, see the people, and let the time roll.

Remember that loneliness can be a good time to get in touch with you and face your fears and insecurities. Loneliness will allow you to manage your thoughts and feelings. You just have to have the courage to face them.