When The Demand Demands Too Much From Us
We all like things to go well. But we are also aware that our plans or aspirations do not always end as we had envisioned. There are numerous factors and unforeseen events that are impossible to control and not achieving the expected results can frustrate us. When the demand demands too much of us, we can get to have a really bad time.
There are those who turn the achievement of perfection into an obsessive goal, which generates continuous discomfort and dissatisfaction. They are people who are too demanding, whose intransigence with themselves and others become a real problem. Living in a society as competitive as the current one, sometimes imposes unattainable goals on us. However, the important thing is to know when we can push ourselves a little more or when it is time to take our foot off the gas.
Being too demanding
When someone demanding is aware of their failures and realizes that they cannot achieve what they set out to do, they feel bad, blame themselves, punish themselves and beat themselves up inside. This attitude does not benefit, but generates negative feelings such as dissatisfaction. A dissatisfaction resulting from purposes that are not always entirely real. That is why it is so important to accept that error is part of our day-to-day life and that everything will not always turn out as we expect.
Being so self-demanding, more than a virtue, can become a defect that causes us problems with ourselves and with others. Demanding people are often as uncompromising towards others as they are towards themselves. This attitude does not lead to anything good. You cannot ask anyone for more than what they are capable of giving, nor can you expect others to be as we want them to be. We do not all have the same abilities, nor the same tastes, nor the same aspirations, nor do we see life with the same prism.
A PROBLEM OF SELF-ESTEEM
The excessive demand generates stress and anxiety. A demanding person constantly seeks perfection. Not getting it creates dissatisfaction, a toxic emotion that leads to unhappiness. In addition, they tend to be susceptible and sensitive to criticism, be it constructive or destructive. For example, they can’t stand someone telling them how to do things.
The origin of this intransigence is generally associated with a problem of self-esteem, not accepting oneself as one is. The first step will therefore be to learn to respect ourselves, that is, to love ourselves as we are, with our strengths and weaknesses.
To let the demand become a problem, you will have to change your priorities and aspirations. Instead of pursuing perfection, one must be aware of what his limitations are and also be aware of the limitations of others.
Many people project their demands on others causing emotional problems. There are parents who frustrate the happiness of their children by continually demanding that they be perfect. This generates in children a potential feeling of guilt and insecurity since their parents make them feel that they never meet expectations and also feel incapable of doing so.
The demand and couple relationships
Excessive demand can also affect relationships, so it will be necessary to know how to measure the levels of intransigence to which we submit and challenge the other person so as not to deteriorate or end the relationship. When we are in a relationship, we tend to project our expectations onto the other person. But what happens when our expectations do not match our partner’s behavior? We suffer, we get angry.
Those who are so demanding may blame the partner for being the cause of their unhappiness. When expectations are not met, we blame the other person. “Before you were not like that, you have changed” , they say a lot. The fact of the matter is that we all change over time. Otherwise, we would be anchored to an immobility that would prevent us from evolving. Therefore, to love without demands is to love while respecting the personal growth of the other.
Being a demanding person does not have to turn into something negative if we know how to manage it and set limits . The requirement can help us achieve goals or achieve challenges, something that will improve our self-esteem. But we have to be aware that, even if we make every effort to do things right, we will not always obtain the expected results. Life is not perfect and neither are people.
