Why Do We Feel Affinity With Some People And Not With Others?

How many people do we meet in our lifetime? It is impossible for us to keep track of the faces we meet on the way or the names of those who were part of small moments of our existence. However, among all those souls, with how many do we really feel affinity?  What determines that such a rewarding connection occurs between two human beings?

Since we are little we begin to meet people who could potentially be part of our closest social circle. In class, in extracurricular activities, in the university, in the different jobs we go through… there are infinite places where we coincide with others that, finally, remain as a vague memory in our memory. 

Even our friends frequently introduce us to other individuals with whom they hope we will get along. However, and against all odds, this often does not happen. So what does it take for that precious emotional connection to take place? 

Why do we feel affinity with certain people?

A meeting point

It is about finding, in a natural way, a meeting point. That person may express an opinion that we feel is ours, perhaps they share one of our hobbies, or they may have had a similar life experience. In any case, there is something in it that makes us feel identified and constitutes a positive starting point.

Same values

On the other hand, it can also happen that we feel in tune with someone apparently opposite to us. Many of us can attest that people with tastes and hobbies diametrically different from ours have held an important place in our hearts.

And it is that, on many occasions, it is not so necessary that specific ideas be shared but basic values. As long as there is respect, admiration or loyalty, the exchange of opinions can be even enriching. We only need to feel that the other has principles compatible with ours and with those we expect from others.

The dynamics of the relationship

As a rule, time is a necessary factor for the consolidation of relationships. From the first moment we can have the sensation, with someone, of being on a similar wavelength. However, on other occasions it is the repeated encounters that offer us the opportunity to discover the valuable essence of the other.

Each interaction allows us to know and deepen their attitudes and ways of behaving. It allows reciprocity to take place, mutual consideration and interest to be shown, important self-disclosures to take place between the two … Ultimately, the bond is forged on solid foundations that the other demonstrates to be willing to build.

We feel affinity with those who speak our language

But above all, we feel affinity with those who share our emotional language. Those people who seem to naturally understand the subtleties of our communication; that they are able to perceive the nuances in our gaze, our gestures or our tone. Those with whom the emotional exchange is fluid, simple and natural, with whom we do not have to struggle to explain what is in our soul.

Surely we have all met someone with whom, no matter how hard we try, it seems impossible to make us understand. Each word is misinterpreted and the objectives of each one are so far apart that the mental paths run in parallel, without ever crossing.

This natural attunement that arises with some people depends on personality traits, attitudes, representation systems and a host of personal factors of each individual. However , when it is present it is as evident as it is gratifying, as your heart feels at home.

Relationships are not static

Finally, it is necessary to remember that human beings are not static and, therefore, neither are our relationships. Our own personal growth, our natural evolution can lead us to change visions, ideas and opinions that we held long ago. For the same reason, relationships that previously flowed seamlessly may fail to do so.

Any significant emotional bond must be nurtured and nurtured to last. However, change is in our nature; And, if you no longer connect with who you used to do, don’t be afraid to fly, don’t try to force your emotions. New connections will come to surprise you.